O! I have a heart? Awesome! :|

This is hoping that some day you read it and realize how much it hurt me. Im no Adele but I sure can pour my heart out. Im not gonna drop one of those cheesy lines and say you lost out on something, or say I am too good for you. Maybe I am... but then.. Maybe I'm not. Never in my life did I think I was gonna be this girl. The girl craving the attention of a guy. The girl that'll blow off everyone else and not even consider the ones she would've looked at before she met you. Should I curse the day I met you? Probably not. Painful part is, I do not love you. You probably think I do and the minute you started thinking that, you became a total douche. You tried to kiss me the last time we met, I didn't let you cos I didn't want to be one of those girls that assume they are in a relationship right after getting physical with a guy. I explained this to you and you were totally fine with it. You said you had never told a girl you liked them. I thought in my head that mine would be different cos I'm most definitely not gonna mess around with you until you make you intensions known. This was fine with you until you mentioned on skype one night that if you tried to kiss me the next time we meet and I refuse, there'll be "no point." How much that hurt me, you'll never know but was I scared to let you know... of course I was. I was scared that the "friendship" that seemed perfect was going to be sour and weird. I didn't want to argue cos I naturally hate drama. That there has been taken for weakness and I see you constantly prey on that weakness. It hurts when you have to study 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week. At first I was understanding and a perfect sport but that became a constant excuse. It hurts for me to make excuses for you as to why you didn't do certain things. The simplest things make me happy. A simple phone call a day would go a long way in helping "us." well, I guess there's no us cos from this moment as I write this, I have chosen not to give a shit. This definitely wouldn't take a day but it marks a beginning of a journey. It makes it harder that I cant resist you or resist replying your messages immediately after I read them. How did I become so emotional? How did I fall for a douche bag? Why do girls fall for douche bags? The sweet ones are just "cute" but we go for the ones that treat us like crap. I remember when I threatened to talk to other guys, you seemed pretty shaken by it and we finally decided to talk to each other only. It makes me sad to think that you feel like you're being pushed to ask me out. You have never officially asked a girl out doesn't mean that every girl will reduce her standards to making assumptions of a relationship. So in the case when you're caught cheating, you'll remind me of how you never asked me out? I have never cried for a boy before and I act all macho to my friends and boast about how this has never happened. Only if they know how i've balled cos of you. Its funny how I can't confide in any of my friends because i've painted such a perfect picture of us. It kills me when they refer to you in some situations and say that I have you. It makes me cringe because deep in my heart, I know I have just me, myself and I. It sucks that this blog sprung up as a result of one bb message was read and not replied. I know everyone who reads this would probably suggest I pick up the pieces and move on but you only know how difficult it is to do that if you've been in the same position.